pursuitofhapppinesss:

toritheestallion:

me at Olive Garden at 11:02 am staring down the elderly people impatiently waiting outside knowing we should’ve opened 2 minutes ago but my boss is in the back cheating on his wife with the girl who makes the salads and he has the key to unlock the doors

why is this so fucking funny

(via pursuitofhapppinesss)

abcoconut:

slytherinpokegirl:

How Obama joked: here is a video of my birth *shows clip from Lion King*

How Trump jokes: haha my vice president wants to kill all the gay people

Hey future historians, please note that although tumblr is a fountain of hyberbolic sarcasm, there is exactly 0% sarcasm or hyperbole in this post.

(via pursuitofhapppinesss)